Anniversaries

I have lots of "anniversaries" in my life. Birthdays are a kind of anniversary. There's the anniversary for graduations, for major events, even for deaths. Of course, the first thing people think of when one says anniversary is that yearly one with your spouse. Well this is lucky number 13 and it has been the most different of all.

First of all, we are in a totally different state! When we met, Chris said he never thought he would leave Georgia. Well, I cured him of that by causing him to move to Tennessee so he could be with me while I finished college. Then, there was the whole never leaving the mountains thing for me. Yeah, that's kind of out the window, too.

Secondly, it is on a Sunday. I really don't like to celebrate things on a Sunday if possible. I like to maintain that one day for family. We hang out together after church. I fix a big meal that cooks while we are gone, we eat as soon as we get home, then there's NAP TIME, for me, anyway. The kids just don't seem to need naps any more. So, while today IS our anniversary, for the most part, it has felt like any other Sunday, and I am ok with that. Actually, there is one difference. This is the first time I EVER remember it snowing on our anniversary :)

I saw something earlier that made me think. A person said, nobody uses the "F word" anymore...forever. 13 years feels like forever. Chris and I have been together nearly a third of my life. It doesn't seem that long ago that I kept asking my bridesmaids if he was "out there" and if they could see him. Chris and I decided before we ever got married that the "D word" (divorce) would never enter our conversations. Not even jokingly. If we make it so easy to get away from each other and even joke about it, why would we bother with the "F word"?

I AM a Science Teacher

Most of you already know this fact about me. That's usually one of the first things people find out about any person. "So, what do you do?" People always seem so impressed that I teach science. Oh, they think I have to be smart to do that. Do I? I dunno. I work hard to make sure I know about what I am teaching the kids. I can't stand to make a mistake, but, I love for them to learn.

Part of teaching science is doing labs. I love to do labs. My philosophy is kids can't learn science unless they do science. Learning science means getting their hands in there and getting them dirty. Getting into whatever they are doing and not caring if it creates a mess. Who cares? Learning is happening!

I have had students call me Miss Frizzle. I think that's awesome! I love that they feel like I am excited and they must think my methods are interesting to make the comparison! I wish I really did have a magic school bus! That would be so cool!

I have had kids call me "Mama" because they want to, not as a mistake (of course, that has happened, too). It's really funny when a 6'3", 300 pound seventh grader from the ghetto comes up, leans his head down on top of yours and says, "Good morning, Mother." It is also pretty special. It lets you know you have done something to earn respect.

I enjoy what I do and I love to make my kids laugh. They always try to "get me", but, usually lose. I admit I have a really quick wit and sometimes have to catch my own tongue before my quick with gets me into trouble. Some kids aren't quite ready for some of the things that come to my mind!

A couple of days ago, I had a first. I have had labs that didn't go as planned before, that's no big deal. You adjust and go on. However, when the entire room fills with smoke, sugar starts burning, and the room starts smelling like a campfire with marshmallows, I would say that is a lab REALLY not going as planned! The kids loved it! They have talked about it for days! The later classes were very upset that they didn't get to do the same thing. Sorry, nearly setting off the fire alarms once is more than enough for me. Custodial had to come in and bring a huge fan, we had to open the window and doors in 30 degree weather, and it took FOREVER to get the smell and smoke out. Oh well, at least they now know how to super saturate water with sugar!

Priorities

Something happened to me at work the other day that has stuck with me since and keeps pricking at my heart. I was there early, like I normally am. This day, my carpool partner and I got to the school before the secretaries, which happens sometimes. We always go into the office and check our mailboxes before going to our rooms. It's just kind of a thing we do. Well, on the way out of the office, there was a parent waiting.

This isn't really unusual. Parents come into the building all the time. This time, though, was different for me. Why was it different? Because of the very short conversation we had with the parent. The parent had brought some medicine for a child to be given to the nurse who had not yet made it to school yet, either. Then, there was another request. To make a phone call to the high school for the other child who was sick. You see, the family didn't have a phone.

It made me stop and think. That parent walked to school to bring medication for a child. I know this because of the ice crystals that had formed on the hair around the face from breathing out and the breath forming condensation, then crystals. Then, getting to the school, the parent wanted to make sure that the high school knew about the sickness of the older child and the only phone available was the one at our school.

I walked to my classroom nearly in tears. It really touched my heart. I have seen and dealt with poverty. I have seen parents that would get their hair and nails done before buying food. I have had students with the latest cell phones, but, no money for school clothes. I have seen some REALLY backwards priorities when it comes to poverty. Money that could be used for food traded for drugs or car rims. While, this time, the poverty was evident, there were also evident priorities in place.

The kids were obviously more important than anything. The kids came first to the point of walking medication to school in freezing temperatures, and then getting word about illness to the high school. That money for medication could have been spent on anything else. The money could have been spent on cell phones, a car, or just gas. It makes me wonder if I do a good job of placing my priorities in their proper places. It also makes me feel blessed beyond measure.

There have been some difficult times in my life since I had children. There have been some lean years and some weeks where I had to REALLY stretch the budget for groceries. But, I have never had to choose between taking care of my kids or taking care of myself. They do always come first, no matter how selfish I want to be. But, what about other things? Is there something I "have to have" that I can do without? Is there something that is a priority to me that is not a priority to God, nor should it be? Let me have my priorities in order, always.

Mothers Are So Embarrassing...

Well, I didn't think the time would come, but, it has. I am an embarrassment. I found this out last night. We went to a performance for Abbi and dragged all the boys with us. We all sat down in a row in the auditorium. Benjamin was beside me, but, decided he wanted to be on top of me.

We played, he aggravated his Daddy, and it was pretty much a normal event while we waited for the performance to begin. Nathan sat in the chair on the other side of where Benjamin would have been sitting, had he chosen to sit on the chair instead of me.

We did a little bit of talking. Nathan made a comment here and there. Benjamin continued to waller all over me and aggravate his Daddy. He loves to be rough and tumble. In the midst of the playing, I reached my hand over in between the seat between Nathan and myself. When he refused to acknowledge my hand, I tapped his arm. He acted like he didn't know what I wanted. I said, "Well, FINE then! Benjamin still loves me!" Nathan responded, "He's seven. He doesn't get embarrassed, yet." Picture my heart deflating a little. I am THAT mom.

You know, when you were younger and your mom wanted to hug you or even worse, KISS you in front of people! GASP! MOM! REALLY! I am guessing that applies to hand-holding as well. My sons have reached that stage...the one I have dreaded...I'm not cool any more. I noticed a while back, they don't tell me they love me on the phone any more. At least they don't if they are calling from school or around their friends. Or, I get the really fast, "loveyoutoo," in a near-whisper voice. SIGH. I am old. And not cool.

I am going to have to get used to this new phase of my life. I can't say that I didn't know it was coming. I did. I just wanted to be able to hang on to my little boys a little while longer. I guess now, I will accept what attention I can get when it comes to affection from the boys. Nathan did make it a little better today. We were walking into a grocery store, he reached over, took my arm, and briefly put his head on my shoulder while we were walking. I'll take it.

Blinders or Glasses?

I came across a video on facebook the other day. This video made me think and made me cry. Part of the reason it made me cry is because I sometimes struggle with which side of this video I belong on. I wonder if I am the one wearing glasses, blinders, or needing someone to wear glasses. I want to be the one wearing glasses.

In the video, a man is essentially selfishly running through life. In his mind, everyone around him is self-centered and a jerk. Nobody cares that he is caught in traffic, or they stepped in front of him in line. He is very passive aggressive in his attitude. While he is waiting (impatiently) for his coffee, a man walks up and hands him some glasses. When he puts them on, he sees what others are struggling with.

There is the man who just lost his job. There is a woman who avoids relationships for fear of pain. There is a single mom raising two kids and working two jobs. There is a child who just needs someone to care. Every time he goes to take the glasses off, he gets curious and puts them back on. In the end, he decided to at least do something with the kid who simply needed someone to care.

A lot lately, I have felt like I needed someone wearing those glasses who would just care about me. I have wondered why nobody can see what I am struggling with or how much pain I am in. This video made me want to stop thinking about my hurt. Yes, I am hurting a lot. Yes, I am lonely and struggling with grief, still. But, what is going on with those around me? Who else is hurting? Who else is struggling? Who else just wants someone to care?

I want and need to take off my blinders. You see, the blinders made me think only about me. The blinders made me not reach out so much to others because of holding on to my own hurt. I am going to do my best to put on my glasses. I want to look at those around me and actually SEE them. I want to see beyond facades and faces that people put on and help them or at least be there for them. If I can make a difference in one, that person can make a difference in another. I think that by helping others, I will truly be helping myself.

WOW!!!!

That is the link to the video. I hope you enjoy it.

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair

Normally, I try to post things that are funny, nice to read, sometimes insightful, or hopefully thought provoking. Well, to be honest, I just don't fell like doing that right now. So, I am not going to. If you came looking for something good today, consider yourself given fair warning, it ain't gonna happen.

I am honestly beginning to hate the month of February. It especially hard this year. My birthday is this month. So is my Cheri's birthday. We have celebrated together for the last several years. We either choose one night to celebrate both or choose two nights to celebrate each other. It didn't really matter, as long as we were able to go out together. We can't do that this year and it just sucks. I have cried more than once.

I have had SOMETHING happen on or around my birthday the last few years that has upset me. I guess maybe I am too sensitive around that time, too. Especially since this will be the 9th year in a row I have turned 29. I am not dealing well with that, either. It seems that someone is thoughtless, or I get bad news around my birthday too often anymore. I am tempted not to even celebrate it at all this year.

Tonight is the Super Bowl. I can't tell you the last time it was Super Bowl Sunday and we didn't have somewhere to go or someone to come over. We are still building relationships here and I am honestly not comfortable enough to have people over. We haven't been invited anywhere, really, but that is just a part of living in a new area, I guess. I can handle that. I will fix "football food" and we will hang out with the kids.

Valentine's Day? I can take it or leave it. I don't need to be taken out to dinner once a year because tradition dictates it. I hate fighting the crowds to get into a restaurant that day, anyway. It is annoying to me. I used to LOVE getting gifts or attention then. Not so much anymore. It is 12 days before my birthday and I am kind of like the kid with a December birthday. I don't want a combination present. I don't see the point spending a bunch of money that day when my birthday is less than two weeks away, but, then again, I am just not thrilled about the birthday thing anyway, so, let's just get through this month and get it over with.

No, Life isn't fair. I don't get to follow the traditions I am used to. There is more snow on the ground than I have ever seen in my life. I am struggling with reaching out right now. I lost my Daddy four months ago. My hair is turning gray and I need to lose weight. Sorry to sound so bitter, but, I needed to get it out. Love to all who read and thanks for letting me vent.

Wrong Era

I said in an earlier post that I was born in the wrong era and I was going to have to blog about it. I am doing that now. I am not sure what I even really mean to say here or how I am going to say it, but, here goes...

The post I was referring to was the one where I was talking about how much I love a fire or fireplace. I have even cooked with wood before. I loved it! I know it would be hard to do all the time and not as convenient as gas or electric, but, I enjoyed it.

Another reason I feel that way is because of how much I love to garden. If I could have a vegetable garden every summer, I would do it. I haven't had many opportunities to grow vegetables living in the city so much, but, I would. To me there is nothing like home grown, home canned vegetables. Whenever I get a chance, I go to farmer's markets and buy fresh vegetables. I even found a place here where you can pick your own! That makes me happy! I just recently used the last of the green beans I had put up from the summer. They were frozen, but, still very good!

While I love the convenience of driving where ever I want, it would be awesome to have some horses. I love to ride horses. I would keep and ride horses if I could. Once again, living in the city, I can't do that.

Some of my favorite books to read are from the pioneer days. I know those people suffered hardship and worked very hard for what they had, but, I very much enjoy reading about how they help shaped the society in which we live today. They were honest and real and so unlike so many people today. The things they had meant something to them. They weren't things to take for granted. I think that is one reason why it appeals to me so much. They knew the value of what they had and how they got it. We are so spoiled today.

Probably the only drawback for me had I been born back then is the clothes. I honestly can't see myself wearing dresses or skirts day after day. I do enjoy the practicality of pants. I have never really been a jeans wearer, though. Dressing down for me is dressing up to some. Of course, had I been born then and that was all I knew, I guess I would have worn dresses all the time, too. Guess I will never know...