Mothers Are So Embarrassing...

Well, I didn't think the time would come, but, it has. I am an embarrassment. I found this out last night. We went to a performance for Abbi and dragged all the boys with us. We all sat down in a row in the auditorium. Benjamin was beside me, but, decided he wanted to be on top of me.

We played, he aggravated his Daddy, and it was pretty much a normal event while we waited for the performance to begin. Nathan sat in the chair on the other side of where Benjamin would have been sitting, had he chosen to sit on the chair instead of me.

We did a little bit of talking. Nathan made a comment here and there. Benjamin continued to waller all over me and aggravate his Daddy. He loves to be rough and tumble. In the midst of the playing, I reached my hand over in between the seat between Nathan and myself. When he refused to acknowledge my hand, I tapped his arm. He acted like he didn't know what I wanted. I said, "Well, FINE then! Benjamin still loves me!" Nathan responded, "He's seven. He doesn't get embarrassed, yet." Picture my heart deflating a little. I am THAT mom.

You know, when you were younger and your mom wanted to hug you or even worse, KISS you in front of people! GASP! MOM! REALLY! I am guessing that applies to hand-holding as well. My sons have reached that stage...the one I have dreaded...I'm not cool any more. I noticed a while back, they don't tell me they love me on the phone any more. At least they don't if they are calling from school or around their friends. Or, I get the really fast, "loveyoutoo," in a near-whisper voice. SIGH. I am old. And not cool.

I am going to have to get used to this new phase of my life. I can't say that I didn't know it was coming. I did. I just wanted to be able to hang on to my little boys a little while longer. I guess now, I will accept what attention I can get when it comes to affection from the boys. Nathan did make it a little better today. We were walking into a grocery store, he reached over, took my arm, and briefly put his head on my shoulder while we were walking. I'll take it.

Blinders or Glasses?

I came across a video on facebook the other day. This video made me think and made me cry. Part of the reason it made me cry is because I sometimes struggle with which side of this video I belong on. I wonder if I am the one wearing glasses, blinders, or needing someone to wear glasses. I want to be the one wearing glasses.

In the video, a man is essentially selfishly running through life. In his mind, everyone around him is self-centered and a jerk. Nobody cares that he is caught in traffic, or they stepped in front of him in line. He is very passive aggressive in his attitude. While he is waiting (impatiently) for his coffee, a man walks up and hands him some glasses. When he puts them on, he sees what others are struggling with.

There is the man who just lost his job. There is a woman who avoids relationships for fear of pain. There is a single mom raising two kids and working two jobs. There is a child who just needs someone to care. Every time he goes to take the glasses off, he gets curious and puts them back on. In the end, he decided to at least do something with the kid who simply needed someone to care.

A lot lately, I have felt like I needed someone wearing those glasses who would just care about me. I have wondered why nobody can see what I am struggling with or how much pain I am in. This video made me want to stop thinking about my hurt. Yes, I am hurting a lot. Yes, I am lonely and struggling with grief, still. But, what is going on with those around me? Who else is hurting? Who else is struggling? Who else just wants someone to care?

I want and need to take off my blinders. You see, the blinders made me think only about me. The blinders made me not reach out so much to others because of holding on to my own hurt. I am going to do my best to put on my glasses. I want to look at those around me and actually SEE them. I want to see beyond facades and faces that people put on and help them or at least be there for them. If I can make a difference in one, that person can make a difference in another. I think that by helping others, I will truly be helping myself.

WOW!!!!

That is the link to the video. I hope you enjoy it.