I posted a tweet last week that said, "I give up. Stuck as the fat chick forever" or some such nonsense. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it was most unflattering. It was one of those sideways, walking by, looked at it just right, and BAM! instant depression. You see, a year ago, I lost 50 lbs. I've gained back about ten of it. I want it gone, but, I haven't exactly been dedicated to getting it off because I've let life get in the way or had excuses or just felt like baking. :)
Here's the bigger problem, though. I'm a mom. WHAT?! That's a problem?! For my body? Yes. I'm 5'3" and at 24, had my first two babies...together. My 5'3" is all legs. I'm so "short-waisted" That there's barely an inch between my bottom rib and my hip bone. If I were proportionate, I'd probably be four or five inches taller. Now, I'm not complaining about that. I actually like being short. I have an excellent excuse to wear heels every day, but, that's another blog post...
So, back to babies. My boys were amazingly healthy. So healthy that they were born at 37 weeks and required no extra care after being born. However, I measured 48 weeks. Since a typical pregnancy goes 40 weeks, I was MASSIVE. They were 6 lbs and 6 1/4 lbs. 19 and 19 1/4 inches. I might add here, that I only gained 28 lbs during that pregnancy. But, there's no way my body is gonna snap back from that. My doctor told me I could do 1,000 sit ups a day and never change. You see, I stretched. I stretched a lot. I stretched so badly that I look like someone who HAS lost 100 lbs and has the leftover skin. I'd be a surgery candidate if I were on "Extreme Weight Loss". I stretched so much that the pregnancy pulled skin up from my thighs because there WAS NO MORE on my abdomen that could be used. THAT is what I caught a glimpse of in the mirror that day. THAT is what broke my heart and made me feel like the "fat chick forever".
You see, it's a catch-22. I can continue to lose weight. I plan to. That skin will still be there. The stretch marks that look like huge lightning bolts will still stretch from the top of my abdomen to under the skin roll to down the tops of my thighs. I am not thrilled with it, but, it's there. I'm not 15 any more. I'm old. I've been lucky enough to have very few wrinkles. Not so much with the gray hair. But, oh well. Such is life. Here's the thing, I'm me. And, being me includes all of the experiences of my life. One of those experiences was having my babies. Our bodies are designed to do this, ladies. The problem is, society has designed our bodies to go right back to where they should be the second a child is born. Society is made up of a bunch of fools.
Kudos to Kate Middleton for NOT hiding the fact that she was a brand new mom. I was honestly stunned that she didn't. At first, I only saw the baby over her belly and my initial reaction was that it was RIDICULOUS that she could go back to being that skinny that fast! Then, she proudly handed that baby over and showed the world that she's a mom and she's ok with it. I'm proud of her. I'm sure she will get back her gorgeous body and good luck to her doing it! It's a tough road that not everyone can accomplish.
My son, bless him, got curious a few days ago. He wanted to know about my marks and the skin roll. So, I told him. I hesitantly lifted up my shirt and let him see where the stripes start. I was scared he would be appalled. I also lowered the top of my pants so he could clearly see the skin flap. He looked at me and very sincerely apologized for what he had done to me (along with his brother). I almost melted. I didn't realize that I had complained about my body to the point that my son actually felt sorry for me. He then said, "You're a tiger!" Yes. Yes, I am.
This only made me wonder, what have I taught my kids about true beauty? They hear me whine about my gray hair. They've heard me call myself fat. They've seen me try to hide things I don't like about myself. That stops. Now. (Except the gray hair thing. I just can't get used to it). I will do my best to teach my kids that the beauty is inside. The true person cannot be hidden under layers of clothes, makeup, or anything else. I AM beautiful because I am me. I am embracing me. I am telling myself to tell my children that it's ok not to be perfect. Nobody is perfect. Every woman is different. Every woman's body is different. My body, my skin rolls, my stripes were earned. I worked HARD to get those things there! I worked harder resting carrying two babies than a man did doing manual labor at the same time. I have NOTHING to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. Anyone who can't see the beauty in that or the beauty in you can't see past their own nose. Those people have a fictional idea of what true beauty is and need a lesson in true beauty. Ladies, I challenge you all to remember you earned your stripes and wear them proudly. :)
