"What's Wrong With You Today" or "Why Do I Have to Grow Up?"

I've had a couple of days this week where I woke just feeling "off". Ever have those days? Something's wrong, but you have no clue what? Something is bothering you and you're not sure why? You have this feeling of dread and don't know where it came from? This morning, it hit me hard. Really hard. I wasn't sure what the heck was going on. I'm typically a pretty laid back, happy, easy-going person. But, my heart felt heavy today. I had no desire to do anything. But, I forced myself to get out and go for a walk. I needed to walk and clear my head. While I walked, it hit me. I'm growing up. Wait, what? You're 42 years old, Shannon. You should have grown up a LONG time ago! Yeah, you're right, but, as long as my children were "not grown", I didn't have to FEEL grown...

This morning, my child who NEVER gets out of bed without being told texted me before 6:00 AM telling me that she needed to be at school at 7:00 AM and not PM like she originally thought. She got up, got ready, made her breakfast and lunch, and left me, to be grown. She had a practice and band camp, today. She's considering joining a student-leader group. She's trying to add a college credit course to her school load. I'm growing up.

My son who NEVER gets out of bed without being told came down the stairs at 8:00. He said, "I've got 30 minutes to get out the door." He made his breakfast. He got his work clothes together for the evening shift he's working. He's spending all day in a leadership course for band. He's contacted his football coach to let him know he can't make practice, today because of the two other things he had to do. I didn't have to tell him to do all of that. He got dressed and left me, to be grown. I'm growing up.

My other son (after getting extra rest and being told to get up) got out of bed, ate something, took out the garbage without being told, and cleaned the kitchen after being told. He emailed his band director to ask questions about next week, without being told. He's going to football practice this afternoon. He's taking his shower supplies and work clothes, he will leave football and go to work. In a few hours, he will get dressed for practice and leave me, to be grown. I'm growing up.

All of the funny sayings, wisdom from elders, and horror stories really don't prepare you for what's happening right in front of your eyes. They don't attempt to explain the ache that starts once you realize they're starting to "not need" you. It doesn't begin to prepare you for the tears that randomly show up when you see a "Timehop" picture from four years ago. In no way do they start to describe the confusion a mom feels when they take the initiative to contact other adults instead of asking me to do it. They cannot in any way enable a mother to deal with the stabbing pain of watching other people "court" her children to come and become part of a new (college) family or team. Don't get me wrong, they'll always want their mama in their life, I hope and pray. One of my boys has taken to calling me as soon as he gets off work and talking to me on his way home. That gives me hope. That hope helps me because I'm growing up.

My role is changing. I'm becoming less "mama" and more "advisor". We're talking about tough decisions. We're discussing their futures. We're talking about whether to expand the nest or leave the nest. We're discussing money and making decisions about money. I'm doing my best to make sure they don't make the same mistakes I did because I'm growing up.

Wait, don't you have another kid? Oh, you mean the one who is 12, going into the seventh grade, and already talking like a college professor while simultaneously being addicted to video games? The one who is already talking about the activities he's going to join this year? Yes, I still have my baby boy. But, he's a baby boy with a mustache who recently posted a bunch of selfies with girls on his snapchat story. GASP! Well, I guess I can be thankful that this is my last time to deal with hormones, at least. I guess that too means I'm growing up.

I am already missing my babies with a year to go before two leave whether it's physically to a college out of state or metaphorically by living at home and going local. So many sayings about roots and wings say things like they need to be given wings in order to fly. I don't want my children to fly. I want them to soar. I want them to rise about the clouds, catch a wind and lift themselves higher than I ever could. In order to do that, I have to believe I'm growing up.

So, here goes. Grow, my children. Change, my children. Fly, my children. SOAR, my children. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. You see, I'm growing up...

My Heart is as Broken as Our Country

This is my country! Land of my birth!

This is my country! Grandest on earth! This is my country!

Land of my birth!

This is my country! Grandest on earth!

I pledge thee my allegiance, America, the bold,

For this is my country to have and to hold.

What diff'rence if I hail from North or South

Or from the East or West?

My heart is filled with love for all of these.

I only know I swell with pride and deep within my breast

I thrill to see Old Glory paint the breeze.

With hand upon heart I thank the Lord For this my native land,

For all I love is here within her gates.

My soul is rooted deeply in the soil on which I stand,

For these are mine own United States.

This is my country! Land of my choice!

This is my country! Hear my proud voice!

I pledge thee my allegiance, America, the bold,

For this is my country! To have and to hold.

Written by: Don Raye, Al Jacobs

I learned this song a very long time ago. I wasn't even a preteen. 

I was so proud to be a Girl Scout. I dove into everything there 

was to offer. I earned badges left and right. I had friends. Many 

friends from all over. Daddy was in the military. We were exposed

to everyone from everywhere. 

I learned to make homemade tortillas from my mother's friend. I 

might have been 11 years old at the time. She was from Puerto 

Rico.  We stayed with them while Mama ad Daddy took a short 

vacation. We loved her and her family. We loved all of our friends. 

We didn't know there was such a thing as race problems or 

inequality. Where we were, everyone was the same. 

I was always so proud of that song and the National Anthem. My 

heart still swells and I get teary when I hear the National Anthem. 

But, this isn't MY country. It's OUR country. It's always been OUR 

country. But, right now, everyone is acting like it's "MY" country. 

This isn't that country I knew as a child. This isn't the acceptance 

I learned as a youngster. There is so much more violence, hate, 

bigotry, division, and racism. My older eyes see it. My younger 

heart  is crying because of it. I've raised my children the way I knew 

to raise them. We accept everyone. We love everyone. Hate takes 

too much  energy. Hate takes time to teach. Divisiveness starts with 

a tiny spark that can cause a great explosion. 

I look at all of the things happening today and I can only ask why. 

Why did we let our nation get like this? Why did we teach our 

children hate  instead of love? Why did our world become so selfish? 

Why are we allowing the hate to spread like wildfire? Why are we not 

dousing the fire with love, patience, and understanding? Why are we 

so unwilling to compromise? Why is it only one way or the other? 

The only answer I have is SELF. 

People have become lovers of self. People have become selfish. 

People have become so focused on themselves they refuse to 

acknowledge others. They refuse to see that someone else has an 

idea. They refuse to see that someone might need help. They 

refuse to look past a pigment to the same beating heart. The 

same color of blood. The same organs that perform the same 

purposes. One doesn't work without the other. We cannot work 

without each other. This country cannot work without all of us. 

If your child wanted to date someone who you knew had a bad 

reputation, would you be apprehensive? Would you try to stop it? 

Would you ground your child? Would you react first when the kid 

showed up at the door and ask questions later? If you were a cop 

who was about to arrest someone who you knew had a huge rap 

sheet, would you be apprehensive? Would you react first and ask 

questions later? I'm NOT defending the fact that people have 

died. I'm not getting into any of the statistics of race and crime, 

here. You'll not drag me into any debates about proportionality and 

disproportionality. I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. I'm 

simply saying that nothing is ever as black and white as people 

selfishly want to make it. 

I'm so saddened by the recent reports of people refusing to serve 

police officers. How can one summarily decide all officers are 

bad? How can you refuse service to those who have dedicated their 

lives "to protect and serve" YOU? I've been a mother for a very long 

time. I don't believe I have EVER punished all of my children for the 

actions of one. Even my identical twins are two distinct people who 

deserve to be treated as such. My boys are not a "unit". Police 

officers work for a unit and can work as a unit. However, all  are 

individuals. Just as I could never paint all men with the same brush 

because one or two hurt me, all police officers cannot be painted 

with the same brush as some who overreact, act too quickly or 

harshly, or, are just bad guys.  

I agree that voices need to be heard. I agree that changes need 

to be made. Do you agree that change starts with you? Nothing 

ever changes with violence. Violence begets violence. If someone 

comes at me with violence, I'll protect myself as violently. If 

someone comes to me willing to talk, willing to discuss, willing to 

have open and honest discourse, I'll meet halfway and further. 

Organizing is amazing. When people are willing to work, willing to 

organize, big changes can happen. But, while you're working on 

your protest, take a minute to be selfless. Hand your unopened 

bottle of water to the homeless guy sitting and watching your 

protest. Pick up the candy wrapper the chick in front of you just 

dropped. Clean up the city park and have your organizational 

meeting there. 

I'm going to end this with this last bit of thought. Everyone, 

everywhere do yourselves and everyone around you a favor. 

Turn OFF the news, close OUT your social media, disconnect 

FROM the Internet and LOOK around you. What do you see? 

What do you look like? Look INSIDE you. Is it the same as what's 

around you? Look back at your social media. Is it the same as 

what's inside you? Are you helping to end this division or 

perpetuate it? Are you posting all of this divisive crap? Are you 

reposting half-truths without researching them? Are you using 

the same manipulated statistics? Are you reposting the same 

old tired quotes? Are you being selfish or selfless? Do you 

want this to be YOUR country? Or would you rather have 

OUR country?

To have, and to hold...

Trump Wins and We ALL Lose or I'm Calling You Out, Bible Belt

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           I am simply astounded by last night’s Super Tuesday results. I sat with my mouth gaping open as update after update came in. Really, Bible Belt? REALLY? What has happened to the part of the country I’ve always been so proud to call my point of origin? When did it become okay for someone like that to become a leader? I’m going to debunk some of the crap I keep hearing spewed about how “great” this man is and how he’s going to “make America great again”.

            The first piece of nonsense I’m hearing is that he’s “financing his own campaign.” Bull. If he were, there wouldn’t be a “donate” button on his website. He wouldn’t have raised 27.3 MILLION dollars to “finance” his campaign. No, it’s not as much as some, but, it’s not small change, either. Here’s another little thing for you to think about, he’s not a self-made man. He received a LARGE inheritance from his father, which he then used to build his “empire”. He also used the U.S. government to help restructure his businesses four times through Chapter 11. He did this four times. He got debt forgiveness and extended time to pay bills. Trust me, people, he’s not going to show you how to get rich. If he can’t manage his money or businesses without governmental intervention, how in the world is he going to manage a country that is trillions of dollars in debt? 

 

            Another piece of nonsense I hear is that he’s going to “protect us” from all of those “illegal immigrants”. You know the ones I’m talking about, the “murderers and rapists”.  Of all the rapes in the United States, 65% are done by WHITE AMERICANS. Of all the murders in the United States, 48.2 % are done by WHITE AMERICANS and 49.4% are done by BLACK AMERICANS. Of all the illegal immigrants in the United States, in 2013, eight, yes EIGHT were convicted of murder. Just in case that doesn’t make sense to you, look at it this way, that’s eight out of 11.2 MILLION illegal immigrants. They aren’t the ones doing the murdering and raping, here. Most of the ones I’ve met or seen are hard-working individuals trying to save money and send it back home to their families. Am I saying let everyone in who wants in? No. We need to support our own. We need to feed our hungry and homeless. But, let me remind you of Christ’s words in Matthew:

Matthew 25:42-46New International Version (NIV)

⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

⁴⁶ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

More nonsense is how he respects the “working man”. I struggle with how anyone could respect a man enough to vote for him when he has no respect for anyone other than himself. He is constantly belittling and putting down others for being different. His disdain for women is evident. How many do you think he will have in leadership positions when he’s done? He speaks out of both sides of his mouth. He says what people want to hear when they want to hear it. He’s making a mockery of diversity when his own family was immigrants. How many of your family were immigrants. Only part of mine was. How do you think he is going to act in a room full of foreign dignitaries? Does he really deserve to represent our country? Let me tell you what the Psalmist David has to say about that in Psalm 140:

3They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s;

the poison of vipers is on their lips.

8Do not grant the wicked their desires, Lord;

do not let their plans succeed.

11May slanderers not be established in the land;

may disaster hunt down the violent.

            I feel sorry for people who are listening to his words and taking them to heart. I feel sorry for people who believe he will truly do what he claims to do. When was the last time you voted for any politician who kept his or her word? It saddens me to think of all the people who are voting for him, particularly in the Bible Belt. How can they love all people as we are instructed, yet permit this person to become a leader when he has only love of self? He’s saying things and doing things that make me wonder how many people truly feel the way he feels in their hearts. How many of these people are actually closet racists? If the man is standing up there and making generalizations about people based on their race, he’s a racist. If you agree with him, so are you.

How many are actually more in love with this man for his money than his actions? He’s not putting any of that money to work for you. Do you REALLY think he’s going to stop the tax breaks his wealthy buddies get? He’s building an empire on poor people. How many gambling addicts support his empire? If it weren’t for people with addictions, he wouldn’t have the empire he has. Do you really want to be associated with that? Aren’t we, as Christians, supposed to be helping those in need and not making a profit off of them? How about this, how about people spend some time examining their hearts, examining the facts, examining the scripture, and then examining him. I think you will find some big discrepancies in what God says and what he says.