I am honestly beginning to hate the month of February. It especially hard this year. My birthday is this month. So is my Cheri's birthday. We have celebrated together for the last several years. We either choose one night to celebrate both or choose two nights to celebrate each other. It didn't really matter, as long as we were able to go out together. We can't do that this year and it just sucks. I have cried more than once.
I have had SOMETHING happen on or around my birthday the last few years that has upset me. I guess maybe I am too sensitive around that time, too. Especially since this will be the 9th year in a row I have turned 29. I am not dealing well with that, either. It seems that someone is thoughtless, or I get bad news around my birthday too often anymore. I am tempted not to even celebrate it at all this year.
Tonight is the Super Bowl. I can't tell you the last time it was Super Bowl Sunday and we didn't have somewhere to go or someone to come over. We are still building relationships here and I am honestly not comfortable enough to have people over. We haven't been invited anywhere, really, but that is just a part of living in a new area, I guess. I can handle that. I will fix "football food" and we will hang out with the kids.
Valentine's Day? I can take it or leave it. I don't need to be taken out to dinner once a year because tradition dictates it. I hate fighting the crowds to get into a restaurant that day, anyway. It is annoying to me. I used to LOVE getting gifts or attention then. Not so much anymore. It is 12 days before my birthday and I am kind of like the kid with a December birthday. I don't want a combination present. I don't see the point spending a bunch of money that day when my birthday is less than two weeks away, but, then again, I am just not thrilled about the birthday thing anyway, so, let's just get through this month and get it over with.
No, Life isn't fair. I don't get to follow the traditions I am used to. There is more snow on the ground than I have ever seen in my life. I am struggling with reaching out right now. I lost my Daddy four months ago. My hair is turning gray and I need to lose weight. Sorry to sound so bitter, but, I needed to get it out. Love to all who read and thanks for letting me vent.
4 comments:
Love you and thinking of you. David and I are going through a hard time too. We switched churches recently and in the process "lost" all of our friends and even our babysitter. We thought we had left on good terms, but to them leaving was enough to outweigh years of what we thought was "friendship."
I too feel sad that we have not yet made new connections. My work and school schedule hinder us from inviting others to our house and we have had no invites out yet. Like you I feel like we are starting over.
Just know that this too will pass and it is alright to feel the way you feel. For now try doing what we are doing, focus on your family and take it one day at a time.
Thanks for understanding, Donna. I appreciate it. I am not one who deals well without a host of people :) You ought to know that. You have known me for nearly 20 years. I know I will get through, but, I am just struggling so bad right now.
You don't sound bitter to me. If anyone is offended, then they should find some Pollyanna's blog to read.
You are human, Shan! You will have ups and downs and we, as your friends, need to share in both!
I love that you called me "my Cheri"! It made tears fall. Like I told you, you can't cry without me!! That's what I'm for - tears and laughter!!
I love you
I hate that we can't celebrate our birthdays - and all the other stuff we have celebrated
I miss you
I didn't mean to make you cry. However, you know me very well! I love you and miss you, too.
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