A Christmas Memory and Hush Your Mouth!

Who remembers "Oh be careful little mouth what you say"? I do. I remember it quite well when an occasional Christmas memory comes to mind. It was 1983. We finally got the word. We were going to be joining Daddy in Germany. He had already been there for several months. We were pretty happy. It was coming up on Christmas! We were flying out to meet up with him just a few days before Christmas! We wouldn't miss this one together!

As is the usual case with the military. We (mainly Mama) had to scramble to get ready. Pack the house, take care of school records, get the girls packed up. We were each only allowed so many pounds of luggage on the plane. You were only allowed so much weight per house to be shipped to you later. Guess what. No Christmas. Not really. There was no time to shop once we got there and it would have taken "Santa" away from Ann and Becky (I already knew) if we had it "just us" before we left. Besides, again, there was NO TIME to prepare.

So, Mama came up with a plan. She took us shopping. We got to PICK OUT our own presents! We got to choose, for just that year, what we wanted shipped to us in Germany! I will never forget picking out that plastic brown dollhouse. I will never forget walking with Mama through the store choosing my gifts. Becky was riding in the cart. I was a grown-up nine years old. Almost the exact same age as my youngest son. Ann walked along with us, too. I thought it was the coolest thing ever to get to know ahead of time what was coming to me, though I wouldn't have it for Christmas. It literally had to be packed up shortly after we got it.

Here's what else I will never forget. I will never forget walking up to the checkout and waiting in line for Mama to purchase our "gifts". I will also never forget the horrible woman behind us. I will never forget hearing her say, "How sad. These poor kids have to be here for the shopping. They should get to be surprised on Christmas!" How sad, Lady, that you didn't know the situation. How sad that you had to open your mouth and nearly ruin what was an excruciatingly exciting time for us.

So. Being an intelligent, grown-up, nine-year-old. I did what any smart kid would do. I turned to Mama and asked, "Do you think they'll like these presents, Mama?" I said it loudly. I wanted the lady to hear. I wanted HER to think they were for someone else. I wanted to protect my mama. I didn't want her to think I had a bad mama who was doing something wrong. Mama looked at me a little funny and said, "Yes. They will." I assume she thought I meant my sisters. The lady never knew (and didn't deserve to know) that, for me, that was one of the most exciting Christmases of my nine years. She made an assumption and acted like she knew and understood a situation about which she had no clue nor business knowing. And then, she opened her mouth. Be careful little mouth...

I've Earned My Stripes and So Have You!

I posted a tweet last week that said, "I give up. Stuck as the fat chick forever" or some such nonsense. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it was most unflattering. It was one of those sideways, walking by, looked at it just right, and BAM! instant depression. You see, a year ago, I lost 50 lbs. I've gained back about ten of it. I want it gone, but, I haven't exactly been dedicated to getting it off because I've let life get in the way or had excuses or just felt like baking. :)

Here's the bigger problem, though. I'm a mom. WHAT?! That's a problem?! For my body? Yes. I'm 5'3" and at 24, had my first two babies...together. My 5'3" is all legs. I'm so "short-waisted" That there's barely an inch between my bottom rib and my hip bone. If I were proportionate, I'd probably be four or five inches taller. Now, I'm not complaining about that. I actually like being short. I have an excellent excuse to wear heels every day, but, that's another blog post...

So, back to babies. My boys were amazingly healthy. So healthy that they were born at 37 weeks and required no extra care after being born. However, I measured 48 weeks. Since a typical pregnancy goes 40 weeks, I was MASSIVE. They were 6 lbs and 6 1/4 lbs. 19 and 19 1/4 inches. I might add here, that I only gained 28 lbs during that pregnancy. But, there's no way my body is gonna snap back from that. My doctor told me I could do 1,000 sit ups a day and never change. You see, I stretched. I stretched a lot. I stretched so badly that I look like someone who HAS lost 100 lbs and has the leftover skin. I'd be a surgery candidate if I were on "Extreme Weight Loss". I stretched so much that the pregnancy pulled skin up from my thighs because there WAS NO MORE on my abdomen that could be used. THAT is what I caught a glimpse of in the mirror that day. THAT is what broke my heart and made me feel like the "fat chick forever".

You see, it's a catch-22. I can continue to lose weight. I plan to. That skin will still be there. The stretch marks that look like huge lightning bolts will still stretch from the top of my abdomen to under the skin roll to down the tops of my thighs. I am not thrilled with it, but, it's there. I'm not 15 any more. I'm old. I've been lucky enough to have very few wrinkles. Not so much with the gray hair. But, oh well. Such is life. Here's the thing, I'm me. And, being me includes all of the experiences of my life. One of those experiences was having my babies. Our bodies are designed to do this, ladies. The problem is, society has designed our bodies to go right back to where they should be the second a child is born. Society is made up of a bunch of fools.

Kudos to Kate Middleton for NOT hiding the fact that she was a brand new mom. I was honestly stunned that she didn't. At first, I only saw the baby over her belly and my initial reaction was that it was RIDICULOUS that she could go back to being that skinny that fast! Then, she proudly handed that baby over and showed the world that she's a mom and she's ok with it. I'm proud of her. I'm sure she will get back her gorgeous body and good luck to her doing it! It's a tough road that not everyone can accomplish.

My son, bless him, got curious a few days ago. He wanted to know about my marks and the skin roll. So, I told him. I hesitantly lifted up my shirt and let him see where the stripes start. I was scared he would be appalled. I also lowered the top of my pants so he could clearly see the skin flap. He looked at me and very sincerely apologized for what he had done to me (along with his brother). I almost melted. I didn't realize that I had complained about my body to the point that my son actually felt sorry for me. He then said, "You're a tiger!" Yes. Yes, I am.

This only made me wonder, what have I taught my kids about true beauty? They hear me whine about my gray hair. They've heard me call myself fat. They've seen me try to hide things I don't like about myself. That stops. Now. (Except the gray hair thing. I just can't get used to it). I will do my best to teach my kids that the beauty is inside. The true person cannot be hidden under layers of clothes, makeup, or anything else. I AM beautiful because I am me. I am embracing me. I am telling myself to tell my children that it's ok not to be perfect. Nobody is perfect. Every woman is different. Every woman's body is different. My body, my skin rolls, my stripes were earned. I worked HARD to get those things there! I worked harder resting carrying two babies than a man did doing manual labor at the same time. I have NOTHING to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. Anyone who can't see the beauty in that or the beauty in you can't see past their own nose. Those people have a fictional idea of what true beauty is and need a lesson in true beauty. Ladies, I challenge you all to remember you earned your stripes and wear them proudly. :)

Overprotective Brothers, Peer Pressure, and Yoga Pants...

As many of you may know, I think my daughter is beautiful. She's beautiful inside and out. She has a heart of gold, most of the time. She's an animal lover and a people lover. I've had teachers tell me when she walks in a room, she just lights up the room. I'm proud of her. She's hard working and earns good grades. She has a LOT of friends. I'll ask who she is texting and it's a different name all the time (explains the 2,400 text messages for her on last month's bill...). Anyway, she's growing up and things are really starting to change.

Abbi was in sixth grade last year. Her brothers have always been protective of her. The rules are she goes nowhere alone (our rules). At least one of the big boys goes with her to the park, playground, riding bikes, etc. The boys know this and respect it. They understand the reasoning behind it. They are big boys. Bigger than some full grown men at 14. They like the idea of being protectors. They have also carried it a bit far at times causing their sister to want to murder them in their sleep!

One of the first weeks of school, I was given a warning by the boys. They informed me that their sister was NOT ALLOWED to wear yoga pants to school. Now, I agree with that. I have no problem preventing her wearing them to school. I don't like seeing them at my school, to be honest. I just thought it was funny that THEY came up with that rule. They told me it was "too distracting" for girls to be wearing them to school. I was impressed with how mature their thinking was at 13 (at the time).

Well, fast forward nine months. Abbi's friend wants to make a "music video". She wants the girls to wear t-shirts and yoga shorts. Remembering the boys' rule (and my own), I reminded Abbi that it wasn't appropriate. Her friend was REALLY laying down the pressure and being nasty about it, too, saying things like, "Your mom has no fashion sense, anyway." I told Abbi it was time to get off the phone so I could re-evaluate that friendship. She quickly got off the phone. She later tried again to convince the friend that there were alternatives. They came to a compromise. The shirts HAD to be long enough to cover their behinds. Well, the whole thing fell through, so that battle ended. I'm proud of Abbi for sticking to her guns and standing up for herself. I know it's hard.

The big boys are still being overprotective, though. I'm waiting for the big meltdown, any day, now. Abbi was getting ready to go to the store with me and putting on her makeup. Matthew says, "Abbi! You're TWELVE!! You don't NEED makeup!" She had on a short shirt-dress, Nathan checked to make sure she has shorts on underneath it. They've both been on her about her friends, clothes, makeup, and other things this summer. I told Chris he was going to have to do something when her meltdown comes because this is a monster that he's created. They've followed his example and learned from him.

To be perfectly honest, I love that Abbi's brothers are so protective. I know I don't have to worry about her as she gets older and starts high school. She'll be able to know ahead of time the kids who will be good influences or bad. Her brothers will watch out for her and make sure she's safe as much as they can. I have known since they were tiny that they adored their sister. They wouldn't even let strange kids come near her stroller when they were two. They will still pick her up and carry her around. I'll see her cuddle up with them and they wrap their arms around her. I hope I have done everything I can to foster that closeness for their entire lives.

It has to be said...

I have a few things to get off my chest. Regardless of which way you sympathize with recent nationally televised events, I ask you read through this blog before passing judgement. I also ask that you respect my right as an individual to my opinion, as I will respect yours. You may respectfully disagree at any time. However, I reserve the right to remove any posts I feel are disrespectful towards me, my opinion, or any other person with an opinion.

I am tired. I am so tired of the media. I am so tired of extremists. I am so tired of people thinking there is only one way to think, act, or just be. If you cannot open your mind to the possibility that your way is not the only way, you need to live yourself in a sheltered little bubble, alone, with nobody around who may disagree with you. We are all entitled to our beliefs, rights, and opinions. We are not entitled to your beliefs, rights, opinions.

On to recent media events. I am so disgusted with the way "Americans" have reacted to the trial and verdict. I'm disgusted with the sensationalism the media has thrown on it. When are people going to realize that violence is NOT a race issue? When are people going to realize that EVERY race experiences violence. When are people going to realize that white on white, black on black, hispanic on hispanic violence happens MORE than race on race? When are people going to realize that violence doesn't END violence?

"Let's riot because a white man killed a black boy!" Sounds like a good idea? Right? What about all the white people you are injuring who had nothing to do with this? Is it their payback for having the wrong skin color? Aren't you just perpetuating the stereotype that just came about? Why is it that our president and the man who killed a black boy both have a white parent, but, the media and general public are only referring to one of them as white? I'll tell you the truth, I was confused when I saw the man and his last name. The last name you expect for a white person, he didn't look white...oh wait. Did I just make a judgement call based on skin color? Don't lie. Many of you did the same thing.

Why does the media do this? Why do we, as Americans ALLOW the media to do this? I am of mixed cultures. Almost every American is of mixed cultures. Which part of your culture or heritage is better than the other? Which part makes it ok for you to say you are better than another? The only true Americans I know, tend to have a darker skin color than many. I know. Many of them are my family. But, the other parts of my family are fair haired and fair skinned. Does that make them less because they weren't "here first"? Does it make a black person less because they aren't as fair skinned as my darker relatives?

Let's go back to the media question. WHY was this case so important that it had to be televised EVERY day? What about it made it such a big deal? I'm going to point out a court case that has been going on for SIX years, now. Two white kids were carjacked, tortured, raped and murdered by three black guys and one black girl in TN. One of the guys just got awarded yet another trial. This has been going on for six years, now. SIX! How many of you outside of TN have heard of this? Not many. Why is that? I truly, honestly believe that the media WANTS to keep people in an uproar. The media WANTS to have their sensationalistic stories that they KNOW will keep people riled. Folks, if you didn't buy into their crap, they wouldn't have anything to report. If we didn't react they way they wanted us to, their business would go down. STOP letting the media determine your reactions.THEY are the ones who put spin on things. THEY are the ones telling people what to think and how to react. Why do you think they have "analysts"? Analysts have bias. They are not fair and impartial.

Ok. I'm sure you are wondering how I feel, personally about what happened. Here's my thing. Z was an idiot. He was a wannabe cop with a violent history. M was not just an innocent kid in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't think Z "profiled" him. I think he saw someone he didn't recognize and over-reacted. M has a violent history, too. He, too, had skeletons in his closet that show a very different story than the media and prosecution tried to portray. Z never should have been carrying a gun and trying to act the hero. He wanted to notoriety of being the "good guy" who "saved the day". M may have just wanted his skittles and tea, but, his lifestyle choices tell a different story, now. Did Z know that? No. Did he deserve to get off for murder? Probably. Manslaughter? I'm not so sure. In my mind, it was manslaughter. We will never know who attacked first. We will never know all the details of what happened. What I do know is that neither family will ever be the same. M may have grown out of his what I'll call "wannbe thug phase" and Z may not have been in this situation had he not been a hothead.

Truth is, what Americans need to do is learn from this, embrace our differences, STOP being scared of each other, and GROW UP! Solve your problems like adults. Discuss your differences as human beings. STOP throwing temper tantrums like a two-year-old who doesn't get his way! People aren't born racist. It's taught. Who is teaching you?

Right Wing or Left Wing...

Left wing or right wing, all I know is a bird can’t fly without both. So, here’s my question. What makes everyone think this country can get by without both parties? This is perhaps what has saddened me most about this most recent election.

I had hoped once the election was over, some of the nastiness I saw coming from “Christian” people on both sides of the center would stop. It didn’t. I am seeing so much negativism and ugliness, that it saddens me. It was difficult enough hearing all the slander and bad-mouthing that was happening through the campaigns, but, to see it once things are over, wow. Just, wow.

Nobody seems to have any respect for the fact that this country was founded on freedom. That freedom includes the right to have a different opinion. What happened to respecting other people? Why did we suddenly become a nation of “My way or the highway?”

I do not believe there is any way we can survive the things that have been going on in this country without cooperation. Just because someone’s opinion is different, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is wrong! Not every difference of opinion means that it’s the wrong answer; it could just be a different way of looking at the same problem.

Do I agree with everything the party I voted for believes in? No. Do I agree with everything the other party believes in? No, again. Do I think both parties have good ideas? Yes. Do I think they could work together and come together with good ideas? Yes. I firmly do believe that. Do I think those elected people will grow up and try to overcome their differences? Probably not. Why? The general public isn’t doing it. Why should they?

It feels that some people thrive on the divisiveness. It seems that some enjoy saying, “Nyah, nyah, I’m better than you because I am from THIS group.” Really? So, politics has suddenly become the high school popularity contest? “Wear the right clothes and have the same ideas and you can join our group, which is better than THAT group.”

True respect is the one thing this nation needs more than anything else. It saddens me to say that I don’t see it enough. Too many people don’t respect the laws that govern this land. Too many children don’t respect their parents. Too many people don’t respect their elders. Why would they respect each other? Why would they respect others’ opinions? When we have states that think the federal government has the wrong answer and make up their own, opposite laws, we can’t expect those that govern the entire country to agree on anything. Can we?

My prayer is that, at some point, people remember the words of Aretha Franklin and take them to heart. Respect means a lot to me. There have been many times in my life that, though I have had to grit my teeth and bite my tongue, I still showed respect. Why? Because, eventually, everyone learns, God is ultimately the one in charge and the only one whose opinion truly matters.

Raising Teenaged Boys...

Never has the phrase "it takes a village" been more clear to me than it has been this week. Raising teenaged boys is TOUGH. When I say raising teenaged boys, I don't mean just the ones I birthed. I mean the ones I teach, the ones my boys hang out with, and sometimes, random ones I see out and about.

Teenaged boys frustrate me, make me laugh, make me proud, and make me want to scream. Teenaged boys are annoying, aggravating, obnoxious, loud, irresponsible, brain dead and hopeless! Oh my gosh! Did I really just say that? Yep. Do I mean it? Only about every other day! However, I learn something new about teenaged boys all the time. I learn something new about MY teenaged boys all the time.

Teenaged boys are sweet, caring, giving, sensitive, observant, pleasers, tough, ambitious, and excited. Do I mean that? Only about every other day. Why am I saying all of this in the same blog? Because I experience all of this every day. Let's take yesterday for example.

I went to work like I will every day for the next nine months. From the same student, I get harassed, pouted at, and hugged. This same student also whined about having to move from the back of the room, complained about having to do work on the second day of school, did that work, turned it in, and hugged me as he walked out of class. Hormones, much???

When I came home, I learned that my sons have a lot of character. They didn't tell me this. I got the story third hand from their grandma. The two big boys had been at the home of a friend. This friend was having a temper tantrum and saying some ugly things to his mom. Imagine my surprise when I am informed that these two children I gave birth to are turning into men. They stood up to their friend. They told him to "knock it off" and "have more respect for his mom". I wanted to weep for joy. How many of us have gone along with the crowd or kept our mouths shut for fear of losing a friend or the respect of a coworker for actually speaking our minds?

Later last night, the boys had two friends over, they camped out in the back yard. They had a fire pit set up. One of the big boys took the dogs out for a walk and the little one comes in with the dogs. Where are the big boys??? They, all four, decided to go to the grocery store. WHAT?! When, who, how did they get permission? I wasn't informed, nobody was informed. So, when all four boys return on their bicycles, all four boys are met by a mad mama! Me!

Did I tell them off? Yep! I asked each how old he was. I then asked which one of them was the adult who decided they had permission to go to the store. I don't have a problem with the going, it's the going without permission. They ALL knew I was upset. They ALL admitted (without prompting) it was irresponsible and disrespectful of them to do. I gave them all instructions and they all said, "Yes ma'am." Later, when I went to tell them the door was being locked and I was going to bed, I got four goodnight hugs.

Bottom line, raising teenaged boys is tough. No matter who gave birth, we ALL need to raise them to be men. Not only is it tough. It is rewarding. It is gratifying to see them grow and change. It is amazing to see little pieces of the men they are to become. And, there is no feeling in the world like a little boy who is bigger than you wrapping his arms around you for no reason at all.

Chick-Fil-A

This post is either going to be popular or hated and I honestly couldn't care either way. I typically try to stay out of hot-button topics. I get aggravated when people push their own agenda constantly and shove it down other's throats. I stay out of things for multiple reasons. One reason is because of my job. I have learned that being in education, your personal and political beliefs can be placed under a lot of scrutiny and can cause you problems you don't want to deal with. Another reason is because I fell everyone has a God-given, constitutionally given right to his or her own opinion and beliefs.

Now, on to the hot-button topic I usually try to avoid. I am honestly sick of both sides of this debate. The only thing I am hearing from anyone is how wrong the other one is. Really? How about you are BOTH wrong. The innocent party here is the company. What??!! Yes. I said it.

Everyone is talking about how wrong or how right Mr. Cathy was with what he said. How many actually took the time to read EXACTLY what was said? He never mentioned LGBT. He simply said what they DO support. He calls it "traditional marriage". Ok, everyone knows what that means. But, he did NOT in fact bash anyone. Guess what, folks, it's his company and his opinion. He has a right to do that.

On the other side of the issue, we have all the people crying foul. Guess what folks, it's their right to do that. Each and every person in this country has that constitutional right to say what he or she thinks. Those who don't support his opinion have the right to choose NOT to eat at Chick-Fil-A. People who do support it have a right to eat there. People who don't care can eat there when they want to either way.

The overwhelming thing I have heard from both sides is hate. That is what bothers me the most. Everyone says we have to love each other. It's scriptural. Love your neighbor. Who is my neighbor? Everyone. My gay neighbor, my straight neighbor, my Muslim neighbor, my Christian neighbor, my white neighbor, my black neighbor. I am commanded to love them. That doesn't mean, "love them as long as they have the same opinion I do." It doesn't mean, "love them as long as they support the things I do." It just says LOVE.

Guess what...I HATE basketball. Can't stand it. Don't get it. Don't understand why people watch it. Guess what else, I am not going to stop being friends with people who do like it. I am not going to disown my kids who want to play it. I am not going to step on their constitutional right to talk about basketball in open forum or own a basketball team some day (even though we all know football is WAY better!). Do you know why I am not going to do any of that? Because, even though, in MY opinion, basketball is ridiculous, I refuse to FORCE my opinion on anyone else. I am trying, very hard, to love people regardless. THAT is what I would like to see other people doing.

I have opinions. I have beliefs. I have ideas. They are mine. If someone else shares them, that's great. If someone doesn't, that's that person's right. I firmly believe that. What I don't want is people telling me I can or cannot eat somewhere, purchase a product, or visit a store because it doesn't adhere to YOUR beliefs. My belief is that Chick-Fil-A has the BEST chicken nuggets and chicken biscuits anywhere, and, if I want one, I'll eat it because it's not MY job to be anyone's judge....