Overprotective Brothers, Peer Pressure, and Yoga Pants...

As many of you may know, I think my daughter is beautiful. She's beautiful inside and out. She has a heart of gold, most of the time. She's an animal lover and a people lover. I've had teachers tell me when she walks in a room, she just lights up the room. I'm proud of her. She's hard working and earns good grades. She has a LOT of friends. I'll ask who she is texting and it's a different name all the time (explains the 2,400 text messages for her on last month's bill...). Anyway, she's growing up and things are really starting to change.

Abbi was in sixth grade last year. Her brothers have always been protective of her. The rules are she goes nowhere alone (our rules). At least one of the big boys goes with her to the park, playground, riding bikes, etc. The boys know this and respect it. They understand the reasoning behind it. They are big boys. Bigger than some full grown men at 14. They like the idea of being protectors. They have also carried it a bit far at times causing their sister to want to murder them in their sleep!

One of the first weeks of school, I was given a warning by the boys. They informed me that their sister was NOT ALLOWED to wear yoga pants to school. Now, I agree with that. I have no problem preventing her wearing them to school. I don't like seeing them at my school, to be honest. I just thought it was funny that THEY came up with that rule. They told me it was "too distracting" for girls to be wearing them to school. I was impressed with how mature their thinking was at 13 (at the time).

Well, fast forward nine months. Abbi's friend wants to make a "music video". She wants the girls to wear t-shirts and yoga shorts. Remembering the boys' rule (and my own), I reminded Abbi that it wasn't appropriate. Her friend was REALLY laying down the pressure and being nasty about it, too, saying things like, "Your mom has no fashion sense, anyway." I told Abbi it was time to get off the phone so I could re-evaluate that friendship. She quickly got off the phone. She later tried again to convince the friend that there were alternatives. They came to a compromise. The shirts HAD to be long enough to cover their behinds. Well, the whole thing fell through, so that battle ended. I'm proud of Abbi for sticking to her guns and standing up for herself. I know it's hard.

The big boys are still being overprotective, though. I'm waiting for the big meltdown, any day, now. Abbi was getting ready to go to the store with me and putting on her makeup. Matthew says, "Abbi! You're TWELVE!! You don't NEED makeup!" She had on a short shirt-dress, Nathan checked to make sure she has shorts on underneath it. They've both been on her about her friends, clothes, makeup, and other things this summer. I told Chris he was going to have to do something when her meltdown comes because this is a monster that he's created. They've followed his example and learned from him.

To be perfectly honest, I love that Abbi's brothers are so protective. I know I don't have to worry about her as she gets older and starts high school. She'll be able to know ahead of time the kids who will be good influences or bad. Her brothers will watch out for her and make sure she's safe as much as they can. I have known since they were tiny that they adored their sister. They wouldn't even let strange kids come near her stroller when they were two. They will still pick her up and carry her around. I'll see her cuddle up with them and they wrap their arms around her. I hope I have done everything I can to foster that closeness for their entire lives.

It has to be said...

I have a few things to get off my chest. Regardless of which way you sympathize with recent nationally televised events, I ask you read through this blog before passing judgement. I also ask that you respect my right as an individual to my opinion, as I will respect yours. You may respectfully disagree at any time. However, I reserve the right to remove any posts I feel are disrespectful towards me, my opinion, or any other person with an opinion.

I am tired. I am so tired of the media. I am so tired of extremists. I am so tired of people thinking there is only one way to think, act, or just be. If you cannot open your mind to the possibility that your way is not the only way, you need to live yourself in a sheltered little bubble, alone, with nobody around who may disagree with you. We are all entitled to our beliefs, rights, and opinions. We are not entitled to your beliefs, rights, opinions.

On to recent media events. I am so disgusted with the way "Americans" have reacted to the trial and verdict. I'm disgusted with the sensationalism the media has thrown on it. When are people going to realize that violence is NOT a race issue? When are people going to realize that EVERY race experiences violence. When are people going to realize that white on white, black on black, hispanic on hispanic violence happens MORE than race on race? When are people going to realize that violence doesn't END violence?

"Let's riot because a white man killed a black boy!" Sounds like a good idea? Right? What about all the white people you are injuring who had nothing to do with this? Is it their payback for having the wrong skin color? Aren't you just perpetuating the stereotype that just came about? Why is it that our president and the man who killed a black boy both have a white parent, but, the media and general public are only referring to one of them as white? I'll tell you the truth, I was confused when I saw the man and his last name. The last name you expect for a white person, he didn't look white...oh wait. Did I just make a judgement call based on skin color? Don't lie. Many of you did the same thing.

Why does the media do this? Why do we, as Americans ALLOW the media to do this? I am of mixed cultures. Almost every American is of mixed cultures. Which part of your culture or heritage is better than the other? Which part makes it ok for you to say you are better than another? The only true Americans I know, tend to have a darker skin color than many. I know. Many of them are my family. But, the other parts of my family are fair haired and fair skinned. Does that make them less because they weren't "here first"? Does it make a black person less because they aren't as fair skinned as my darker relatives?

Let's go back to the media question. WHY was this case so important that it had to be televised EVERY day? What about it made it such a big deal? I'm going to point out a court case that has been going on for SIX years, now. Two white kids were carjacked, tortured, raped and murdered by three black guys and one black girl in TN. One of the guys just got awarded yet another trial. This has been going on for six years, now. SIX! How many of you outside of TN have heard of this? Not many. Why is that? I truly, honestly believe that the media WANTS to keep people in an uproar. The media WANTS to have their sensationalistic stories that they KNOW will keep people riled. Folks, if you didn't buy into their crap, they wouldn't have anything to report. If we didn't react they way they wanted us to, their business would go down. STOP letting the media determine your reactions.THEY are the ones who put spin on things. THEY are the ones telling people what to think and how to react. Why do you think they have "analysts"? Analysts have bias. They are not fair and impartial.

Ok. I'm sure you are wondering how I feel, personally about what happened. Here's my thing. Z was an idiot. He was a wannabe cop with a violent history. M was not just an innocent kid in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't think Z "profiled" him. I think he saw someone he didn't recognize and over-reacted. M has a violent history, too. He, too, had skeletons in his closet that show a very different story than the media and prosecution tried to portray. Z never should have been carrying a gun and trying to act the hero. He wanted to notoriety of being the "good guy" who "saved the day". M may have just wanted his skittles and tea, but, his lifestyle choices tell a different story, now. Did Z know that? No. Did he deserve to get off for murder? Probably. Manslaughter? I'm not so sure. In my mind, it was manslaughter. We will never know who attacked first. We will never know all the details of what happened. What I do know is that neither family will ever be the same. M may have grown out of his what I'll call "wannbe thug phase" and Z may not have been in this situation had he not been a hothead.

Truth is, what Americans need to do is learn from this, embrace our differences, STOP being scared of each other, and GROW UP! Solve your problems like adults. Discuss your differences as human beings. STOP throwing temper tantrums like a two-year-old who doesn't get his way! People aren't born racist. It's taught. Who is teaching you?

Right Wing or Left Wing...

Left wing or right wing, all I know is a bird can’t fly without both. So, here’s my question. What makes everyone think this country can get by without both parties? This is perhaps what has saddened me most about this most recent election.

I had hoped once the election was over, some of the nastiness I saw coming from “Christian” people on both sides of the center would stop. It didn’t. I am seeing so much negativism and ugliness, that it saddens me. It was difficult enough hearing all the slander and bad-mouthing that was happening through the campaigns, but, to see it once things are over, wow. Just, wow.

Nobody seems to have any respect for the fact that this country was founded on freedom. That freedom includes the right to have a different opinion. What happened to respecting other people? Why did we suddenly become a nation of “My way or the highway?”

I do not believe there is any way we can survive the things that have been going on in this country without cooperation. Just because someone’s opinion is different, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is wrong! Not every difference of opinion means that it’s the wrong answer; it could just be a different way of looking at the same problem.

Do I agree with everything the party I voted for believes in? No. Do I agree with everything the other party believes in? No, again. Do I think both parties have good ideas? Yes. Do I think they could work together and come together with good ideas? Yes. I firmly do believe that. Do I think those elected people will grow up and try to overcome their differences? Probably not. Why? The general public isn’t doing it. Why should they?

It feels that some people thrive on the divisiveness. It seems that some enjoy saying, “Nyah, nyah, I’m better than you because I am from THIS group.” Really? So, politics has suddenly become the high school popularity contest? “Wear the right clothes and have the same ideas and you can join our group, which is better than THAT group.”

True respect is the one thing this nation needs more than anything else. It saddens me to say that I don’t see it enough. Too many people don’t respect the laws that govern this land. Too many children don’t respect their parents. Too many people don’t respect their elders. Why would they respect each other? Why would they respect others’ opinions? When we have states that think the federal government has the wrong answer and make up their own, opposite laws, we can’t expect those that govern the entire country to agree on anything. Can we?

My prayer is that, at some point, people remember the words of Aretha Franklin and take them to heart. Respect means a lot to me. There have been many times in my life that, though I have had to grit my teeth and bite my tongue, I still showed respect. Why? Because, eventually, everyone learns, God is ultimately the one in charge and the only one whose opinion truly matters.

Raising Teenaged Boys...

Never has the phrase "it takes a village" been more clear to me than it has been this week. Raising teenaged boys is TOUGH. When I say raising teenaged boys, I don't mean just the ones I birthed. I mean the ones I teach, the ones my boys hang out with, and sometimes, random ones I see out and about.

Teenaged boys frustrate me, make me laugh, make me proud, and make me want to scream. Teenaged boys are annoying, aggravating, obnoxious, loud, irresponsible, brain dead and hopeless! Oh my gosh! Did I really just say that? Yep. Do I mean it? Only about every other day! However, I learn something new about teenaged boys all the time. I learn something new about MY teenaged boys all the time.

Teenaged boys are sweet, caring, giving, sensitive, observant, pleasers, tough, ambitious, and excited. Do I mean that? Only about every other day. Why am I saying all of this in the same blog? Because I experience all of this every day. Let's take yesterday for example.

I went to work like I will every day for the next nine months. From the same student, I get harassed, pouted at, and hugged. This same student also whined about having to move from the back of the room, complained about having to do work on the second day of school, did that work, turned it in, and hugged me as he walked out of class. Hormones, much???

When I came home, I learned that my sons have a lot of character. They didn't tell me this. I got the story third hand from their grandma. The two big boys had been at the home of a friend. This friend was having a temper tantrum and saying some ugly things to his mom. Imagine my surprise when I am informed that these two children I gave birth to are turning into men. They stood up to their friend. They told him to "knock it off" and "have more respect for his mom". I wanted to weep for joy. How many of us have gone along with the crowd or kept our mouths shut for fear of losing a friend or the respect of a coworker for actually speaking our minds?

Later last night, the boys had two friends over, they camped out in the back yard. They had a fire pit set up. One of the big boys took the dogs out for a walk and the little one comes in with the dogs. Where are the big boys??? They, all four, decided to go to the grocery store. WHAT?! When, who, how did they get permission? I wasn't informed, nobody was informed. So, when all four boys return on their bicycles, all four boys are met by a mad mama! Me!

Did I tell them off? Yep! I asked each how old he was. I then asked which one of them was the adult who decided they had permission to go to the store. I don't have a problem with the going, it's the going without permission. They ALL knew I was upset. They ALL admitted (without prompting) it was irresponsible and disrespectful of them to do. I gave them all instructions and they all said, "Yes ma'am." Later, when I went to tell them the door was being locked and I was going to bed, I got four goodnight hugs.

Bottom line, raising teenaged boys is tough. No matter who gave birth, we ALL need to raise them to be men. Not only is it tough. It is rewarding. It is gratifying to see them grow and change. It is amazing to see little pieces of the men they are to become. And, there is no feeling in the world like a little boy who is bigger than you wrapping his arms around you for no reason at all.

Chick-Fil-A

This post is either going to be popular or hated and I honestly couldn't care either way. I typically try to stay out of hot-button topics. I get aggravated when people push their own agenda constantly and shove it down other's throats. I stay out of things for multiple reasons. One reason is because of my job. I have learned that being in education, your personal and political beliefs can be placed under a lot of scrutiny and can cause you problems you don't want to deal with. Another reason is because I fell everyone has a God-given, constitutionally given right to his or her own opinion and beliefs.

Now, on to the hot-button topic I usually try to avoid. I am honestly sick of both sides of this debate. The only thing I am hearing from anyone is how wrong the other one is. Really? How about you are BOTH wrong. The innocent party here is the company. What??!! Yes. I said it.

Everyone is talking about how wrong or how right Mr. Cathy was with what he said. How many actually took the time to read EXACTLY what was said? He never mentioned LGBT. He simply said what they DO support. He calls it "traditional marriage". Ok, everyone knows what that means. But, he did NOT in fact bash anyone. Guess what, folks, it's his company and his opinion. He has a right to do that.

On the other side of the issue, we have all the people crying foul. Guess what folks, it's their right to do that. Each and every person in this country has that constitutional right to say what he or she thinks. Those who don't support his opinion have the right to choose NOT to eat at Chick-Fil-A. People who do support it have a right to eat there. People who don't care can eat there when they want to either way.

The overwhelming thing I have heard from both sides is hate. That is what bothers me the most. Everyone says we have to love each other. It's scriptural. Love your neighbor. Who is my neighbor? Everyone. My gay neighbor, my straight neighbor, my Muslim neighbor, my Christian neighbor, my white neighbor, my black neighbor. I am commanded to love them. That doesn't mean, "love them as long as they have the same opinion I do." It doesn't mean, "love them as long as they support the things I do." It just says LOVE.

Guess what...I HATE basketball. Can't stand it. Don't get it. Don't understand why people watch it. Guess what else, I am not going to stop being friends with people who do like it. I am not going to disown my kids who want to play it. I am not going to step on their constitutional right to talk about basketball in open forum or own a basketball team some day (even though we all know football is WAY better!). Do you know why I am not going to do any of that? Because, even though, in MY opinion, basketball is ridiculous, I refuse to FORCE my opinion on anyone else. I am trying, very hard, to love people regardless. THAT is what I would like to see other people doing.

I have opinions. I have beliefs. I have ideas. They are mine. If someone else shares them, that's great. If someone doesn't, that's that person's right. I firmly believe that. What I don't want is people telling me I can or cannot eat somewhere, purchase a product, or visit a store because it doesn't adhere to YOUR beliefs. My belief is that Chick-Fil-A has the BEST chicken nuggets and chicken biscuits anywhere, and, if I want one, I'll eat it because it's not MY job to be anyone's judge....

Pageant Mom?!

Well, I have done it. I have entered the world of PAGEANTS! Boy did I catch it from different areas! Some people were VERY supportive, some were very apathetic and some were very opposed. Abbi got an invitation in the mail, we responded, she wanted to do it, she was accepted, we jumped on board. WHAT a ride!

Let me tell you, it was HARD work getting ready for this thing! I had to read a TON of stuff! I didn't read some of it close enough the first time and ended up buying two dresses. Picture a big sigh here. However, it worked out because one of them worked well for the talent portion. We ended up working hard to raise the money she needed, fill out the forms, get the outfits, reserve a room, decide what to take with us...

We got up EARLY on Saturday morning in order to be in Waterloo by 7:00 AM. It's nearly two hours away. I stayed home the night before because the Big Boys had a track meet. I wanted to see them. So, we took off, got her checked in, found our hotel and started the insanity that is a pageant weekend.

Once we were there, the real work began! We had to get here, get there, get out all within specified times. There were certain outfits to be worn at certain times. We had to take breaks to eat. We had to literally run to get to some events. I had to fix hair, make ribbons, fix clothes, make sure she had her badge at all times, get her where she was going, and keep her going. No, I really didn't have to keep her going. She did that herself! She was ready to go every time, everywhere. She never fought me fixing her hair, she had ideas she wanted done. She asked for matching hair bows and I made them. She didn't beg and plead for all the little things that were for sale this weekend. She just looked and pointed out things she liked.

The people at this pageant (National American Miss) run a tight ship! There was a schedule to be followed the entire time. My Daddy's military career taught me something. If you are 15 minutes early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are LATE! Well, that's the way it is in pageant world, too! We had to get where we were going with time to spare. For one part, ABBI wanted to be ready an hour early. You don't understand, this child is the kind who walks out the door five minutes AFTER she is supposed to be somewhere. She has been a challenge to me all her life with this tendency she inherited from her father! I couldn't believe how she changed that aspect of herself for the pageant.

I was most impressed this weekend with my daughter. I have always known I had one tough girl. She chose to perform in this pageant. She practiced her flute as much as she could. She got up in front of the judges and played. She messed up. She paused. She gathered herself and she went on. She finished, got off the stage, and smiled for all the world!

She did her formal wear and self-introduction in front of over 300 people! She had a little flub in each. Again, she gathered herself, and smiled her gorgeous smile the entire time! She acknowledged that she had made a mistake and was frustrated with herself. But, she chalked it all up to learning. She says she will do better next time. Next time?!

Once the final pageant was over, I went to find her. I was worried. While her name was called out and she was singled out on stage for an accomplishment, she didn't even make top 20. Does anyone expect it for the first year? I hope not. She didn't either, but, she got further than many girls. I was worried she would be disappointed or hurt. What's wrong with me? I should have known better! My girl was not disappointed or hurt. She was worried. Some of her friends were crying! She had to go check on them! She wanted to congratulate others. She wanted to hug some she had gotten really close to.

Next time? You better believe it. I learned a lot about my daughter this weekend. I already knew she was smart, beautiful, talented, outgoing, and just all around awesome! I also learned that she is a hard worker, she is caring, she is vivacious, she is poised, she is compassionate, and she is just incredible. She is already planning how she will fix her mistakes from this year for next year. She is talking about how she will raise her money. She is thinking about the other competitions she wants to do. She is talking about how she will adjust her talent. And, she is texting up a storm to her new friends. Look out world, here comes Abbi...

Competition

A few days ago, Chris and I were talking about some things that have been going on. He asked the question, "why are people so competitive?" That got me started thinking. Why ARE we competitive? What is it that DRIVES us to have the same, more, better?

I answered Chris. I guess my thinking was due of the unit we are currently studying in my science classes. I am teaching my students about "survival of the fittest". I told Chris that, in a way, we are no different than animals. We have a drive to survive. Ours is just skewed by our intellect.

Humans don't necessarily have to compete for resources like animals. We have opposable thumbs! We can go BUY our food, we go HOME if we are cold, we climb into a BED if we are tired. Yet, we compete like animals, sometimes because we don't need to compete for resources like lower order animals.

We compete for jobs. We compete for significant others. We compete for property. We compete for the NUMBER ONE toy of the Christmas season. We compete for affection. I have students who argue ALL the time with each other over who is my favorite. (I always answer, '"I dislike you all the same!") Competition is a way of life for ALL living organisms.

For human, competition, unfortunately comes with emotions. If we don't get our kid that thing that every kid is getting, we feel like we have let them down. If we get passed by for a promotion, we feel devastated. If someone gets a gift that we were hoping to get, we feel jealous. The worst part about it, is, most of the time, we really SHOULDN'T feel those emotions. I have learned that EVERY time something like this happens to me, there is something better in store.

It would be nice if everyone could just be happy for each other when something good happens. We can always feel empathy and sympathy. Those emotions are easily tapped into and freely shared. Locking up that competitive, envious monster is another thing. Humans have such a sense of entitlement. We always feel we are "owed" something. Wouldn't it be nice if we just accepted what we are given, be happy for those who received better, and tried to be better givers?