I have learned a few things about myself with this move. I am sure many of you already realize I am quite the social being. I am used to being able to hang out with people whenever given the opportunity. I am used to being able to just go or call someone and spend time with friends and family. There was always something to see or do and someone to be with.
Well, now, I have nobody to be social with! I have met a few people, but, it's not quite time to call up and say, "Hey, Girl! Let's go to the movies!" I have had to rely on Chris for entertainment, but, I have to think it all up! Poor guy, he even had to go see "New Moon" with me.
Growing up, I was always the new kid. To compound things, I was shy (YES I WAS!! Don't roll your eyes at me!) I was the epitome of the kid hiding behind Mama's skirts. Well, I feel like the new kid all over again. With the military, you kept in touch with your friends from the last assignment for a couple of months, and then it all changed. You made new friends, they made new friends and you were forgotten. I have just this morning realized that this has been part of my problem.
I have been up here feeling lonely and friendless. I have had that mindset that my friends have already moved on and made other friends. I haven't called them like I should. I have sent text messages and picture messages, but, not contacted people. I have been too afraid that they wouldn't have time for me or that they were busy and I was interrupting.
Then, I realized a few days ago, these are the same people I talked to EVERY DAY! If I am missing them, they are at least noticing the silence of their phones from me NOT calling every day like I used to! DUH! My pastor had a way of saying, "It's not about YOU, Dummy!" That is striking me in the forehead right now because, I was the one who left! But, when we left, they were feeling the pain of my leaving, too. So, in reality, they are probably feeling the pain of our separation, too.
I owe a big apology to a few people. I am not going to list names for fear someone might be left out. So, I will just say, I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me :) I will try to do better. It's ok to call me and ask why I haven't called because right now, I feel like a jerk. Love to ALL my people!
3 comments:
Oh, Shannon! We lived the same Military life growing up! Then I married a military man! But I have made some TRUE friends along the way and love them w/all my heart! However, when Mike & I divorced, (that was different than just moving b/c our tour was up) I walked away and was such a mess - I was sure no-one wanted to see me! Frankly, I just shut myself off from everything I knew and loved - I felt I was no longer in their league. When some of them caught up with me ... and yes, through FB, too ... I'm realizing they never stopped loving me ... just as I never stopped loving them! I am just as dear to them as they are to me and I wasn't there when they really could have used my help and for that I am so sorry! Kelly's husband was in a very bad car accident - Barbara's mother passed away - had I let them know how to reach me, I would have known but since I was too wrapped up in my pain - well ... I just wasn't a good friend and I can never tell them "I'm sorry" enough. And they don't want me to! They just want me to keep in touch! Now, I know our circumstances are different but they're the same, too. I am so glad to be back in touch with my friends and realize now HOW MUCH I NEEDED THEM! I can tell that your friends love you and your family deeply. You have a closeness and connection between you all that nothing can come between - not even the many miles! In ending - I have come to love you and your little family and we've never met! Yet I am anxious to get on FB everyday and read about your beautiful children! You are NOT a jerk! No, you haven't been moved that long and I would still be unpacking! And you WILL make some close friends there! You know what they say, "Make new friends, but keep the old! One is silver and the other gold!" Don't be hard on yourself ... just keep loving them and remember that we all get wrapped up in our daily lives and activities and we don't have to be "in touch" every single day! Becfause true loving friendship endures space and time! Thank you for this blog - it was very touching and I want to go tell my friends I love them. I love you and wish you and yours all the best God has to offer you! ~ Tammy ~
Thank you so much, Tammy! I am glad you enjoyed this! I just felt the need to get it all down and viewable. It feels good to have people who understand what I have been going through! I also wanted to make sure that I hadn't offended anyone :) I hope you continue to read and enjoy this blog!
"If I am missing them, they are at least noticing the silence of their phones from me NOT calling every day like I used to."--YEP...noticed. Glad you're back on the grid :)
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