Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Thanks for Breaking My Heart, Jesus

Y'all, I've had a rough time. I've been stressed and wanting my sense of normalcy back. I had a medical procedure go poorly yesterday on top of all the illness I've dealt with in the last month. I've been cooped up with the same people for a LONG time and they are getting. on. my. NERVES!

I'm actually known as a pretty darn patient person. BUT, every once in a while, I reach my limit. And, as my family can tell you, once it's reached, it's not pretty. Once things get to "not pretty", it's ugly. I'm ugly. I was ugly this morning.

I lost my temper with my son. I yelled. Loudly. In case you aren't aware, males do occasionally have hearing problems when it comes to female voices. At least, that's the way it works in my house. That was the final straw for me this morning. I even stormed out of the house and slammed the door. We've lived in this house for nearly five years. I do believe that was the first time I've left the house and slammed the door if that tells you anything about my patience and tolerance.

Out of habit, I turned right on my sidewalk and just started walking. This is where the heartbreak comes in. About a block from my house is a "Blessing Box". Mama and I, but, especially Mama have been putting food in it as often as we can. Mama's heart has been breaking for people who are struggling with food right now.

As I got near, I saw a young woman stealthily approach the box, look around, and take one thing out. She put it in her bag and quickly started walking away. She looked at me once or twice. I gave hear a weak smile and she continued walking. We headed in the same direction and she looked at me once more before quickly walking ahead of me.

I wanted to and I didn't do it. I wanted to ask her if she was okay. I wanted to see if she needed help. I wanted to call out to her and aske her to come talk to me. Then, she put on some headphones and quickly walked farther ahead of me. I couldn't walk faster due to my procedure. My lips somehow froze together. My jaws were too tight to work.

I broke my own heart. Jesus convicted my heart. I help and give all the time. Why couldn't I say something this time? Probably because I was so focused on my issue and my temper tantrum that I couldn't get out of it. My problems are not as big as this. My problems are so minor compared to a young woman who has to take a free can of food. No amount of frustration with my child or anyone else I live with is worthy of yelling or a slammed door.

I'm sorry, Jesus, I'm sorry people I live with, and I'm sorry mysterious young lady. I'll do better next time. I'll remember who I am and Who I represent. I'll make sure that not only is that box full of food, but my heart stays full of the love I have for the ones I love and the people I've never met. I'm blessed. So very blessed that I'm able to bless others and I should remember that before I decide to, as so many Southerners would say, bless someone out.

Love Y'all!